From our good friends at Quick Throttle Northwest Magazine

“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

“I make old age look good.”

“Inside every old person is a young person wondering WTH happened.”

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in groups.”

“Got Road?”

“My way IS the highway.”

“Therapy is expensive, wind is cheap.”

“Scars are tattoos with better stories.”

“I’m not short, I’m fun size.”

“Not old, just delightfully retro.”

“I may be old, but I got to see all the cool bands.”

“No, I don’t know what’s wrong with your computer.”

“Everyone remain calm. I’m an accountant.”

“What happens in the Man Cave stays in the Man Cave .”

“Never moon a werewolf.”

“To err is human. To arrrr is pirate.”

“I used to be cool & trendy, now I’m hot & flashy.”

“I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully.”

“So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.”

“I’m the boss! My wife said I could be.”

“Slightly used, but in good condition.”

“Bad decisions make good stories.”

“Why don’t psychics ever win the lottery?”

“Fat people are harder to kidnap!”

“For my next trick, I will need a condom and a volunteer.”

“Computers don’t damage your thinker thingy.”

“Life is a circus, and I’m stuck in the freak tent.”

“Organization takes the fun out of everything.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak moron.”

“When I want your opinion, I’ll remove the duct tape.”

“Evil, mean, wicked & nasty.”

“The voices in my head told me to buy shoes.”

“My dog makes me happy. You, not so much.”

“Patience is a virtue, but flipping someone off feels better.”

“Buckle up! It makes it harder for aliens to snatch you from the car.”

“Out of my way. Dragons to slay. Damsels to save.”

“Please take a moment to appreciate my vast knowledge & experience.”

“If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping.”

“My other shirt is a snuggie.”

“It’s only kinky the first time.”

“I like poetry, walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick.”

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